Quidditch, dreams and funerals
by xshrimpyx
Summary: "James what are you doing here?" Lily swallowed back a sob as James silently engulfed her in his arms, surrounding her by his love. Lily let herself fall to pieces. "It's your father's funeral. How could I stay away?"


Lily stood, shell-shocked, tears dripping down her face. She felt isolated, alone. She had to be strong, her mother was a wreck, Petunia wasn't talking to her, and all these people were expecting her to stand up and say something. She just couldn't. A sob caught in Lily's throat and she clutched her ribcage as if her heart would fall out if she didn't contain it. Lily pushed her way through the people, not caring how rude she was being. It was her father's funeral goddamit. Her daddy. Lily kept running, desperate to get away from this suffocating mass of people trying to pray their condolences. Couldn't they see she just wanted to be alone! She stumbled, catching her foot on a rock, her body weight throwing her forward. Lily anticipated the smack of the cold ground, sought it, but it never came. A tanned arm snatched her before she hit the ground and righted her. Lily turned her tearful emerald orbs upwards.

Her heart lurched.

It was the boy she hadn't seen for months. Not since he professed his undying love for her and she turned him down, throwing his love and friendship back in his face. For what? The sake of her pride. She'd broken him and yet he was here.

"James what are you doing here?" Lily swallowed back a sob as James silently engulfed her in his arms, surrounding her by his love. Lily let herself fall to pieces: gut-wrenching cries of pain barely muffled by his chest. He pressed her wet cheek into his chest and made quiet soothing noises as he stroked her hair.

"Lily, it's your father's funeral. How could I stay away?" James sighed deeply and adjusted his grip on her, trying to ignore the fingers that clutched at his biceps like a lifeline.

Lily's gaze sought his and the pain made a piece of his heart shatter. He tightened his grip on the crying girl and valiantly held it together for the both of them, despite the pain it was causing him. "But I was so cruel to you, I said such horrific things...you said we could never be friends."

James swallowed loudly, the pain visible in his hazel orbs. "That's the thing about love, sometimes you do things you don't want to do because you love someone too damn much to stay away." She cried silently into his chest and James let her, quietly comforting her the best he could.

"I miss him James. I don't-I know know what I'm going to do without him."

"I know love, I know." James soothed her until her violent sobs that had erupted at her quivering statement had stopped. He paused, "You're going to fight Lily. Because that's what you are; a Gryffindor and a fighter. You're the girl that bested everyone, who managed produced a patronas the first time you tried. Your dad would want to you to keep living, to become everything you're destined to be."

"James..." Lily looked up wordlessly, gratefully.

"It's ok Lily, you don't need to say anything."

"I-thank you." James nodded stiffly, his body hardening even more when he stopped Lily's sister storming her way towards them, her withering glare burning him.

"I should leave," James released her instantly and took a step back, straightening his black jacket as he did.

"Wait, James I..." Lily's gaze landed on her sister and she floundered, unsure of what to do, what to say. Of anything.

"If you need me, you know where I am." Lily nodded mechanically and James arms were around her, he pressed a sweet kiss to her forehead before releasing her quickly. He strode away, when he reached the gates he turned around and met Lily's eye with an unrecognisable expression on his face. And then he was gone and with him the light that flowed around him.

"Lily slumped in her father's favourite armchair. The house was blessedly empty. The guests were all gone. Her mother and sister and Petunia's house, eating. The doorbell rang. Her heart rate accelerated. _Had he come back?_

Lily forced her wooden legs to move and she stiffly made her way to the door. She pulled it open to find Sirius standing before her, looking more remorseful than ever before. She had to bit her lip to stop the ready tears from following down her cheeks again at the sight of her friend.

"Lily I'm sorry I couldn't come today. I wanted to be there...I really did but it was the Quidditch final and I just couldn't leave. Forgive me?" Lily nodded wordlessly. It was enough that he was here now. And let him cradle her against his chest.

"Of course Siri, your here now that's all that matters to me." Lily buried her head in Sirius' shirt and let a few tears leak out before she bravely pulled back and fixed a smile on her face.

Then her expression dropped, "Wait...the Quidditch final...James is captain that means he missed...oh God...after everything I've done to him he missed the final for me. After I rejected him, after I broke his heart. "

Sirius shuffled his feet, unsure of whether James would take kindly to Lily knowing the rest of the story. In the end, need overcame loyalty to his brother. "He actually-he got kicked off the team. When James said he had to miss the final, coach gave him a choice, either play today or get kicked off the Puddlemere United. So he left."

"Oh God," Lily clutched her sides, trying to keep the pain inside. "Why would he do that...I don't understand." Sirius put an arm around her and guided the redhead back into the house and only a sofa.

"I think you do Lil...he loves you." Sirius stared at her earnestly.

"Stop-please!" Lily begged, not willing to deal with the connotations of what Sirius was saying-not today.

"I'm sorry I think you need to hear this Lil. Nothing is more important to him that you. He gave up his dream for you. He would give his life for you. It doesn't matter if you love him or not, he will still do whatever it takes to keep you happy, regardless of the cost to himself. He's too noble. He loves you too much." Sirius said humbly, watching emotions flitter across her face. When she was still silent after a couple of minutes he pressed a tender kiss to her hair and squeezed her hand one last time.

"I'm really sorry for you loss Lil. If there's anything I can do, just floo me." He didn't wait for an acknowledgement that she'd heard him but led straight to his brother's house. There was more than one heart that would have been broken today.

James opened his door and Lily stood there, dripping wet, with curls plastered to her face and red rimmed eyes. His eyes widened in shock, but he quickly recovered and gestured for her to come in. Lily stumbled through the door, half delirious from the lack of sleep and the anguish she'd been through. She let James peel off her coat and cast a quick drying spell on her. Then they stood in awkward silence in the hall, neither knowing what to say, how to act around the other.

"I'm sorry to just drop by." Lily's eyes were downcast, "I didn't know where else to go." Her vulnerability seemed to overcome James' shock and he pulled her down to the sofa and tucked a blanket around her before sitting down himself.

James voice was raw, pained. "Lily I'll always be here for you. It doesn't matter about other...stuff." She knew he was referring to her abandonment of their relationship, of his love.

"You got kicked off the team." Lily fought to keep her voice steady and snuck glances at James under her wet eyelashes.

"Sirius told you that, eh?" James sounded tired, but not angry. He wiped a hand across his face as if trying to remove any traces of the day.

"Yeah, he thought I should know." He didn't reply. "So what are you going to do?"

James shrugged, "Find another team I guess." He turned away from her penetrating gaze._ How could she not know? That none of it matters. Not as much as her._

"But it's always been your dream to be captain of the Puddlemere United. You adored it. And you got to work with Sirius every day. It was perfect." Lily protested, pushing the topic of conversation even though it wasn't fair, she didn't have the right to do this.

"Some things are more important than Quidditch."

"You used to say nothing was more important than Quidditch." Lily retorted, staring out of his foggy window, searching for the answers to her confused heart.

"Things have changed." James said simply.

"Yeah. I've changed too...I'm sorry James." His eyes snapped up at his, hopeful, pained and loving all at once. "I was cruel and horrible and undeserving. God I never deserved you! No-one could possible deserve someone as amazing as you. I ripped your heart out and destroyed any hope of us ever being together and you're still there for me. Still picking up the pieces."

"Lily, I-" James desperately grabbed her hand, no doubt to tell her that she didn't need to apologise for anything.

"James please, you are the most incredible person. You gave up your dream for me. I can never repay you for that, but I'd like to try...if you'll still have me. I love you James Potter."

This time James eyes were filled with tears too, "I didn't give up my dream-_you_ are my dream Lily." Their fingers, lips, hearts and souls all met in that moment and twined together. Forever.


End file.
